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Catastrophic Oatmeal

From the Nobody Cares department, here is a food thing I put together to break from the routine and change things up. Not as drastic as Catastrophic Eggs, though, and easier.

Descriptions and word usages for oatmeal around the world have different meanings. It is common in the formerly United States to avoid the word porridge and simply call cooked oatmeal — well, oatmeal.

A magazine for men’s style and health (I disremember if it was online or in print) suggested oatmeal with protein powder. This powder is intended for workout recovery and such, but putting it in oatmeal is supposed to help give your metabolism a kick start in the morning.

Oatmeal bowl, my photo, modified with FotoSketcher and FotoFunia
Oatmeal bowl, my photo, modified with FotoSketcher (left and right artsy images) and FotoFunia (for the cyclist part)

Pick up some “quick” or “instant” oats at the grocery store. It’s not expensive. More expensive is the whey protein powder. You can get it in chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. You won’t need much so that makes it last longer.

The common oatmeal mix for one bowl is half a cup of it with one cup of water in a bowl. I add half a scoop of the powder (too much may not mix well, so experiment if you’ve a mind to). It cooks in our 1,000-watt microwave in just under two minutes, and it’s amusing to watch the mix grow in the last half minute. Once it looks like a muffin top, cut the power and watch it settle back down.

Stir, add milk if you want it thinned out a bit, and since I used strawberry protein this time, I drizzled some chocolate syrup on top.

This is just my experimentation. I microwave it in a plastic bowl that I don’t mind if it gets “scarred” from the hot stuff, but y’all may want to use a ceramic bowl or even cook it on the stove. (Plastic heats faster.) Feel free to modify and improvise, that’s what I do. You’ll thank me later.

Catastrophic Eggs

Save this article, as it is of profound significance to millions of people.

Like pastors, biblical creation science authors need a break from heavy theological and science reading — and writing. Right, SlimJim? See why I make Chef Robert Irvine cry with this in-a-hurry concoction.

Most of this is prefabricated stuff from big chain market store things:

  • Frozen precooked sausage patty
  • Frozen precooked hash brown patty
  • Packaged shredded cheese
  • Worcestershire sauce*
  • Salt and pepper
  • Two eggs

Grab a non-stick skillet. Even though it’s non-stick, I put in olive oil, or butter, or spray it with non-stick spray. Never use a metal spatula in those pans (we really like the ones made from silicon). Put it on medium-high heat.

Zap the pair of patties in the microwave on high heat for 1-1/2 to 2 minutes. I use a small paper plate, but you might want to use a microwave-safe plate.

While that’s going on, crack the eggs, put them in the pan, add cheese, Worcestershire sauce*, salt, pepper (measure each of these carefully with the “that looks about right” method), stir them all together.

Chop up the hash brown and sausage patties into an unrecognizable pile. Artistically scrape them into the frying pan with the other mix. Stir, flip, stir, pick up larger chunks that flipped out of the pan and put them back.

When it seems to be done (especially the eggs), gracefully dump the mix onto a plate. How long did that take, less than ten minutes?

*Hot sauce or red pepper flakes are an option for people who don’t have to avoid spicy foods.